Monthly Archives: September 2008

Reading. Thesis. Baby. Last Quarter.

So I started my last quarter… I’m hoping that Gayle Brandeis won’t have to do a substantial amount of revision on her novel that she just turned in that way she’ll be able to work with me on my thesis. That would be awesome. She’s such a lovely person, you can just feel it in her presence.

Abani never e-mailed me or got in touch with me spring quarter, so I’m guessing he won’t be able to work with my on my thesis, it’s okay. In the end if I can’t find anyone by next week I think I’m going to have to opt for the research paper.

It’s so weird how you can’t control certain things you do, like coughing when you have a sore throat-or when your throat tickles because you’re getting sick- but once you’re baby is a concern it’s automatically controlled. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not. Yesterday was my frist day of classes and I couldn’t stop coughing, how emberasing… but when I have my baby in front of me I hold my cough. I don’t cought no matter  how much it tickles. Weird.

I have a lot of reading for this quarter, at least 3 books a week of reading. How exiting? I’m not sure how I’ll be able to do it, but I have to. I have to get my degree. There were times when I htought that I wasn’t going to make it and I was baout to give up. I really was, but now that I’m this far, it would just be too absurd to let it all go to waste. Five years and a quarter to get one degree? That’s too long, I had so many down parts and so many times that I wasn’t going to make it. It’s taken me this long, how can I just quit now? I can’t. I have to keep going.


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online resources for writers…

I’ve finally posted it up as a page. Thanks to Gayle Brandeis for the handout she made for us. So nice of her; thoughtful.

It’s 2am now and I just can’t go to sleep. I haven’t really been sleeping well lately and I’m not too sure why. I just don’t feel like sleeping, even though I keep yawning every other second. I’m sleepy but I don’t want to sleep. I don’t know what I want. I want to stay with my baby, I want to work, I want to go to school, I want to write, I want to teach. Thinking of all these things that I want to do is just so overwhelming I just… I don’t know– can’t sleep? It’s funny because I was just reading a post from someone who said she thought too much… and I think too much too. I really do. But I don’t think like deep analyzing, I think about things, about I want this and that and I’m not moving because I don’t know what to do first or how to begin to do anything. I feel like I’m not making any sense.

This past month I haven’t even read anything! I’ve been feeling blue… I don’t think I’m depressed. Am I? Nah, there’s no reason for me to be depressed. I have worries of course. My little brother getting into trouble and my parents into trouble, and I don’t feel too comfortable living where I am living, but I don’t think it’s something to be depressed about. I mean it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. I guess I’m just feeling a little blue. I’m only human, ups and downs come all the time, as I’m sure they do to everyone else.

Autumn is here. Yay! We’re getting closer to Winter. I love cold days, and they seem to be getting closer. It’s not hot anymore, its warm during the day and at dawn and dusk it’s nice and fresh. I LOVE it.

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I’ve Been Doing Some Thinking…

Let's keep writing.

I really have. A while ago I was so sure that I wanted to be a teacher, and I really do, but I also don’t want to loose touch with my writing side. I want to be an author. I want to write stories and because it’s difficult for me to connect with myself, let alone others I feel like this would be the way to connect with people. I feel like I need to connect to people in order to survive and truly be happy.  For now all I know is that this December I will be done with my undergrad work. FINALLY. It has taken me way too long.Seriously. After that I’m going to get tow work. Don’t know where I can work with a creative writing degree. Any ideas???

Okay, so this is the plan for this comming year: I will be done with school and start working (again, where could I work? help!!! If I can’t find anything, then anything will have to do), my husband will stop working at the salon and barber shop and put his massage therapy license to work and find a job at a well-paying PROFFESSIONAL place, and I’m going to have to put my little papa at a day care. Boo.

I’m so use to being with him at all times. Me looking after him whenever I’m not in school. Being the first one he sees, the one who feeds him, the one who does everything. My little baby. I wish I could take him to work with me. Hey, maybe I can find a daycare center I could work in? Or atleast close by? I proabbly need like a license or certificate for that huh? I don’t know. Anyway, new things this comming year.  I’m feeling exited, nervous, and scared.

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Has it really been that long??

Oh my goodness. My baby is already eight and half months old, he laughs, he jumps from happiness and sometimes, when he’s in a good mood he forces a laugh just to make me smile almost like if he’s saying “I’m happy mommy, you’re happy too right?” He knows things already, it’s true when people say that babies are smart, they really are and they pick up real quick. I had a cookie and I dunked it in my coffee. I gave him a cookie just to hold and suck on (I made sure he wouldn’t bite a piece off) and he leaned forward and dunked his whole little hand into my coffee. Haha, thank goodness I have my coffees warm, not hot. He looked up at me and smiled “heeee” that made me laugh so much. I can’t wait till he gets into all kinds of mischiefs, I can tell that he’s going to already.

I have been so wrapped up with my lovely baby and home matters since school ended that I just haven’t set aside ten minutes to update my blog or just to write. Shame on me. Writing is very important I don’t know how I allowed myself to become distant from it, especially after everything I on my other posts. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

But enough scolding myself. Gayle gave us a little useful sheets that she did for us, to help us out with finding out about publishing and sending in stuff with query letters and what they’re suppose to have. I decided to post it up as a page, well I hope she doesn’t mind. Of course I’ll be giving her credit! 🙂

I did a little exercise and wrote a few words from it and so i decided to post it up, and here it is. It starts like this: “I don’t remember much about the first time they tried to _______”

I don’t remember much about the first time they tried to take me, probably because I was drunk. I often wonder wheter she was in on it all along. They have girls who go around ‘recruiting’ if it could be called that. First of all they act like everybody else and they don’t say who they belong with. Second, they don’t give you a choice, because it’s a trap.

Now I’m here trying to be as stiff as a board and not enjoy it. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I don’t enjoy it, and I’ve never had, then I’m still a virgin.

I feel Joe’s body pressed against mine and I recall parts of that night…

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