I’ve been feeling a bit detached from reality lately. Especially when i go to Riverside. This feeling begins not as soon as I step onto the train but when I step off the shuttle bus and in to the school. It’s such a weird feeling, I don’t know if any one who is reading this has felt it before and know what I’m talking about. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the book I’m reading for my metafiction class (Haruki Murakami‘s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle) but that detached feeling is there and sometimes it ends with a headache and the headache last all throughout the next day.
I sort of feel just there, almost like if I’m in a liminal space. Like I’m not part of reality but I’m not part of unreality either. I’m just there. Perhaps it has to do with what I do all day in Riverside (two days a week). I go to my classes, maybe talk to a couple of classmates on our way out, eat, read the stories for class, the novel from class and write up critiques and continue writing my novel.
That doesn’t seem unusual to me. Do you see it as unusual? Even as I talk to people, or in class during the course of the day my body is there but my mind is not all there but I’m still able to converse with them on a normal level.
I’m sitting on the train about to go back to L.A. and I’m thinking: if you’re not really there then where the hell are you? What are you thinking all day? And frankly, I don’t know. My mind right now is thinking a little further than what my other half of the mind can grasp… or maybe it’s: my brain is thinking a little further than what my mind can grasp? I’m not sure because I feel detached… almost like if I’m looking at myself (from a third perspective) and I can see my thoughts before I can actually grasp the meaning, before I can even understand. Does that make sense?
Oh my God… almost like if I’m a character in a novel. Wow, I’d be such a boring character. I think me feeling detached does have a lot to do with Murakami’s novel after all… I’m begining to feel like Toru (the main character and also narrator). Maybe i should stop reading him. But it is just too intriguing.