Monthly Archives: October 2008

detached from reality

I’ve been feeling a bit detached from reality lately. Especially when i go to Riverside. This feeling begins not as soon as I step onto the  train but when I step off the shuttle bus and in to the school. It’s such a weird feeling, I don’t know if any one who is reading this has felt it before and know what I’m talking about. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the book I’m reading for my metafiction class (Haruki Murakami‘s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle) but that detached feeling is there and sometimes it ends with a headache and the headache last all throughout the next day.

I sort of feel just there, almost  like if I’m in a liminal space. Like I’m not part of reality but I’m not part of unreality either. I’m just there. Perhaps it has to do with what I do all day in Riverside (two days a week). I go to my classes, maybe talk to a couple of classmates on our way out, eat, read the stories for class, the novel from class and write up critiques and continue writing my novel.

That doesn’t seem unusual to me. Do you see it as unusual? Even as I talk to people, or in class during the course of the day my body is there but my mind is not all there but I’m still able to converse with them on a normal level.

I’m sitting on the train about to go back to L.A. and I’m thinking: if you’re not really there then where the hell are you? What are you thinking all day? And frankly, I don’t know. My mind right now is thinking a little further than what my other half of the mind can grasp… or maybe it’s: my brain is thinking a little further than what my mind can grasp? I’m not sure because I feel detached… almost like if I’m looking at myself (from a third perspective) and I can see my thoughts before I can actually grasp the meaning, before I can even understand. Does that make sense?

Oh my God… almost like if I’m a character in a novel. Wow, I’d be such a boring character. I think me feeling detached does have a lot to do with Murakami’s novel after all… I’m begining to feel like Toru (the main character and also narrator). Maybe i should stop reading him. But it is just too intriguing.

4 Comments

Filed under General

so far there’s only 21 pgs

I’ve only made nine pages of progress this past week. Isn’t that awful? I need to have at least ten pages by Tuesday. Gayle went out of town right after class and so she said I don’t have to write one for this week but because of that I want to have at least ten pages so I can get the ball rolling and so far I only have one. Sigh. Argh!
There’s nothing to write right now. I’ve been so busy and so I just been mind blogging to substitute for the time i don’t have to write.

I decided to put a picture of my little boy… this is when he was five months old… playing with his 3 yr old cousin’s truck.

I’m struggling on what I want to do once I’m done with school… especially with a creative writing degree. What is there to do?

4 Comments

Filed under General

it is done… the thesis is on!

Yup! I am so excited!

Gayle told me over the weekend that her editor hasn’t gotten back to her but after thinking it over she decided to take me under her wing after all. Woo hoo! I’m extatic and scared at the same time. Nervous-scared because I hope I’m able to do about 50-60 pages worth of the novel I’m working on and so far I only have twelve pages over the course of three months! Three months is like one full quarter. I’m going to have to write at least five pages a week. I guess it’s not that bad, but if I really want to get it going I’m going to have to write at least ten pages a week huh. I’m happy today =).

I applied for a job through craiglist. I spent a lot of time preparing everything and I hit the “send button” with confidence and very hopeful. You know what happened? INVALID ADDRESS!! Argh! I was so disturbed, annoyed and angry. I send it more than two times thinking I’ve written the address wrong. But no. Invalid address. As simple as that. Invalid. Stupid invalid address. Ruined my day.

I started out happy and ended annoyed. Great. I have so much to do tonight and tomorrow, for thursday’s classes. Time to get to it!

Don’t you just love posting random, yet not random, photos? =)

Leave a comment

Filed under General

i’m still waiting while my baby crawls

Yeah, Andres is already crawling, well he’s been crawling and now he’s grabbing onto places and pulling himself up and lets himself go and falls on his tiny big butt. I need to start video taping him more. There’s so much I haven’t done to keep those memories phisically there. Need pictures and videos! I have some, but not enough.

I’m waiting for Gayle, I really hope she won’t have to do such an extensive rewrite (or editing?) of her draft so she can work with me on the thesis. Please cross your fingers for me! If she is able to I hope that by the end of the quarter I could be done with the novel I’ve started working on…well actually I’m not sure if it’s going to be a full novel or a short novel.  I’m thinking short but we’ll see how it works out. 🙂

On another note, I haven’t read to my baby poor Andres, he needs to have his brain stimulated with reading and words. I think reading is something very powerful.
Would you agree?

1 Comment

Filed under baby, General

a writing prompt

Write a story that begins with a man throwing handfuls of $100 bills from a speeding car, and ends with a young girl urinting into a tin bucket.
-From “Thirteen Writing Prompts” by Dan Wiencek in McSweeney’s website.

All the other ones are just as crazy as this one and some even more. You guys should check it out… The stories usually turn out pretty funny! Mine kind of did, but I’ll work on it some more before I post it up here. Do it, seriously.

UPDATE

So here is the little piece I did with the top prompt. Kinda weird but here it is anyway!

The man threw handfuls of $100 bills from the speeding car his young girlfriend drove. They were on the 60 freeway heading to L.A.

“Do you think that’s enoguh?” The man asked her holding  on to the nearly empty duffle bag on his lap.

“That’s enough!” She spitted at him “I don’t even understand why you would throw a single bill out!”

“Relax, these are the fake ones, I’m just trying to get rid of some load. ”

“Where do you think we are in a hot air balloon?” She slapped his head from behind and for a second the air whupped her wet hair into her eyes. Blinding her. She swearved but managed to regain the wheel.

“The bag was too full, it looks too conspicous.” He looked like a little boy trying to explain his innocence.

“God, I swear Matt” She clutched the steering wheel tight. “You’re just too stupid!”

Finally they got off on Sotto but the young gil failed to notice the young boy crossing the street as she was about to make a right turn.

“Hey watch out!” Matt yelled pointing to the young boy who tried to quicken his pace without looking worried.

The young girl pressed hard on the brake petal jerking them forward in their seat. But she still managed to give the young boy a tap on his hip. The couple in the car stared wide eyed at him afraid to have caused him to rave in a scandalous rage with curses. But he merely looked at them as if daring them to keep going and turned back forward and continued on to his walk- limping this time.

“Shit!” The man was stunned.

“Shut up!” The young girl rolled her eyes. “He’s just as stupid as you are. If I were him I would have sued our asses.”

Behind them a siren wailed. They jumped and they looked behind them. A police car flashed his lights and the police man pointed at them and then to the right.

“Hang on!”  The young girl pressed as hard as she could at the gas pedal and next thing the man knew they were on a high speed chase.

For twenty minutes they went on in the nerely empty streets when the young girl realized she couldn’t hold her pee much longer.

“Grab that tin bucket in back of your seat Matt!” She howled at him.

“What for?” He asked.

“Just do it!”

The man reached into the back seat and pulled out a tin bucket. “Okay, now what.”

“I’m gonna stand up my seat and I need you to unzip my pants and pull down my underwear.” She stood up with her thighs pressed against each other afraid her pee would run down her pants.

“What?”

“Just do it stupid!” She yelled still maneuvering the car around the few cars and corners trying to evade the cops.

Matt unzipped her pants and pulled them down along with her underwear and squeezed the tin bucket in between her thighs and only heard her sigh and the pee running down.

I know it’s silly and weird. But there it is. Haha, made me laugh. it’s just crazy.

Leave a comment

Filed under pieces, Prompts & Exercises

i’m missing something

I feel so overwhelmed and unorganized andmy mind is just too cloudy. I have a lot to do. It’s doable, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want to do anything. I feel like this house depresses me. I think I might be getting depressed? I don’t really know the signs, or symptoms, of depression are, but I feel sad, weak, and like crying. Maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed. I look at the room and it’s really disorganized, that it makes my mind just tense up and I can’t do anything. Then I try to organize everything but there is just too much stuff and no where to put it all, and all of the stuff is josephs. I never had and still don’t have a lot of things. I hate holding on to too many things. I’m the kind that throws  everyhting away and only keep the essentials, except for my baby’s firsts.

I feel like there’s something missing, don’t really know what, just something. maybe it’s jsut that i can’t  even get my thoughts organized! Ugh…

Maybe changing theme will help me?

Leave a comment

Filed under General