Monthly Archives: July 2009

Speed Stick

Martha picked up a Speed Stick deodorant, took the top off- without minding the pharmacy’s employee stocking inventory behind her- and took a quick whiff. That’s the one she wanted. She smiled and tossed it into the basket. She always liked wearing Men’s deodorant. She never liked those “girly” scents, she liked the cool-just -got-out-of-the-shower man smell. She liked these for two reasons, one, she felt that the womnen’s deodorizer weren’t as strong as the men’s, two, she liked feeling as if a man’s scent rubbed off of him and into her clothes after giving her a hug.

It’s been a long time since she’s been with someone- almost six years. Sure she’s gone on dates here and there but only to keep herself from wanting and longing for someone. After being married to Tim for six years she just was fed up and convinced that all men were the same, but in order to maintain these thoughts she went on dates every now and then just to remind herself who and what she’d have to deal with if she were in a relationship.

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part-time job hunting

So I don’t care what I get so long as I get a part-time job. I’ve applied to a college to get my teaching credentials, but I’ve just decided today to go for my certificate to working at a pre-school… I like kids, but I think I want to concentrate more on my writing. Pre-schools are cute and they don’t get homework=less work for me. Plus, it’s not two years. Haha… AND I get to spend more time with my baby! I’m still watiting for an answer from that college, but now I’m thinking: if it’s just for a certificate I can get that at a community college and cheaper. So yeah, there you go. =]

So, being the way the economy is right now, I’m just gonna get ANY job I can get my hands on… I tried for the county and city but the job hiring is currently frozen. No positions available right now. With a BA in Creative Writing, there really isn’t much I can do.  So Mickey Ds here I come.  Well, that’s not what I want, but if it has to come down to that, then so be it. I want something with books… Borders? Barnes and Noble? oooh what about ice cream shop? Yum… But whatever I can get I will get, I need it.

What I have decided today: No teaching credentials, instead the certificate. Part-time job at retail or fast food (who cares). Once I’m working at a pre-school then I think I can go for my MFA? Going for it makes me so exited and motivated to get everything done fast. And act (like my mother in law says “mas rapido que imediatamente”) faster than immediately. haha… I love her little sayings. I can’t imagine anything faster than immediately. =] …

About my marriage: leaning closer to NOT taking a chance.

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Confused

So now it turns out that what I found out, is a lie… why would anyone, whether it’d be the husband, relative, or friend lie about anything that could jeperdize a marriage and/or relationship? That is such BS. I am just furious , and confused and so completely hurt that this person couldn’t even think about how I would be feeling. So inconsiderable, irresponsible, and immature thing to do. I haven’t talked to anyone about this except for this person and I just don’t know who to talk to. It’s so difficult for me to talk to anyone, this is the closest I can go, and even here I can’t even say everything. Why? Nobody I personally know reads this, so I know it’s not that. Sigh.

My husband and I have gone thorough a lot, we’ve only been married for four years (in september), and things started off rocky. Then it got better, then bad again, then better, then bad, and now it’s better(better than it has been ever). The thing is, that when things go bad, they go REALLY bad- horrible. I feel so stupid. I’m confused. That’s just how I can put it. Confused about whether to believe my husband- that things are better, and will not get bad… Confused because this is always the case and then it goes bad. Damage has been done, and even now I still think about all those things that happened, so for me that (even if things are better) is always on my mind. Now, that’s all I can think about.

I’m seriously now thinking: Will this “best better” last? Or will it go bad again? Do I wait for it go bad? I want to believe my husband and say that this “best better” will last and continue on. It seems like it will, but will it? Should I take that chance? THAT is the question.

I have to think about what’s best for my baby and myself… so again… the question lingers and lingesr and has been lingering for quite some time now… SHOULD I TAKE THAT CHANCE???

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Looking for a job

Yep… I just need a part-time job. I’ve been looking and would prefer one early in the morning, but we’ll see how things are going.

I’ve found something about my husband that could potentially harm our relationship… =\ I feel so confused and hurt, and disapointed. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know who to talk to, and I just don’t know anything.

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