So now it turns out that what I found out, is a lie… why would anyone, whether it’d be the husband, relative, or friend lie about anything that could jeperdize a marriage and/or relationship? That is such BS. I am just furious , and confused and so completely hurt that this person couldn’t even think about how I would be feeling. So inconsiderable, irresponsible, and immature thing to do. I haven’t talked to anyone about this except for this person and I just don’t know who to talk to. It’s so difficult for me to talk to anyone, this is the closest I can go, and even here I can’t even say everything. Why? Nobody I personally know reads this, so I know it’s not that. Sigh.

My husband and I have gone thorough a lot, we’ve only been married for four years (in september), and things started off rocky. Then it got better, then bad again, then better, then bad, and now it’s better(better than it has been ever). The thing is, that when things go bad, they go REALLY bad- horrible. I feel so stupid. I’m confused. That’s just how I can put it. Confused about whether to believe my husband- that things are better, and will not get bad… Confused because this is always the case and then it goes bad. Damage has been done, and even now I still think about all those things that happened, so for me that (even if things are better) is always on my mind. Now, that’s all I can think about.

I’m seriously now thinking: Will this “best better” last? Or will it go bad again? Do I wait for it go bad? I want to believe my husband and say that this “best better” will last and continue on. It seems like it will, but will it? Should I take that chance? THAT is the question.

I have to think about what’s best for my baby and myself… so again… the question lingers and lingesr and has been lingering for quite some time now… SHOULD I TAKE THAT CHANCE???


1 Comment

Filed under journal

One response to “Confused

  1. My husband told me once…”don’t assume the doom and gloom” and just go with it – if it’s good – enjoy it and don’t wonder what could be lurking around the corner.

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