Category Archives: Literature

revolutionary road- a little like April Wheeler

I finally finished reading Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates, it was very good book. I do recommend it. I watched the movie and, as expected, it was a bit different than the book. I didn’t expect everything, or every single detail to be included in there, but I did expect the big, or important (or what I thought were important) scenes. But whatever, it was all good. I love Kate Winslet, I think she’s such a great actress, and of course so is Leo.

Whenever I read a book, I always find myself relating to one character or another, this time I found myself relating to April Wheeler, a lot. I always admired my husband for being such a great person (I’m not just saying that, cause he’s my husband),  for his “ability to love”, for his ability to be so passionate about things, for being someone that anyone can count on– in terms of needing physical help, pocket change help, a ride to wherever,  and for loving me so much. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when he does things, or says things to me that make me feel like he is such an inconsiderable jerk, and he really IS being an inconsiderable jerk, but he loves me; all he wants is me.

I’ve been questioning my relationship with him for a while now, and it really hurts becuase he is a good guy, and not to mention sensitive. I, on the other hand, have never been passionate about anything, not even about an author, or a book. And what about love? I can honestly say I don’t remember the last time my mother said she loved me, it’s been years. And I know my father loves me, but for some reason it just feels awkward because he never really said it, it was very rare. The last time my parents hugged me was when I was in grade school, and I’m already 23 years old! My father hugged me about a month or so ago, and it is just TOO awkward, I just cannot stress enough how awkward it was. I specifically remember this one time when there was a ceremony at school, I was 11 years old and I received a small reward, along with a few other classmates, and their mothers hugged them so tight, and when I saw them I turned to my mom and we semi-hugged with a couple pats on the back and it was just too awkward, almost forced.

My son is the only one that I can truly say, and know that I 100% mean it, that I love him. I will give my life for him. I cannot say that about my husband. I don’t know but it just makes me sad to be that way. I don’t want to be that way, but that’s just how I feel, sometimes I find myself trying so hard to look at the good side of my husband and concentrate on that and just want to love him as he loves me, and be as concerned about him as he is about me, but I just can’t. There’s always something there that blocks it. And I don’t know what it is. I hope my son is not going to be like that. I hope he can be different from myself in terms of being able to be passionate about things.

Well, this definetly was a long blog, wasn’t it? I’m sure nobody will read it, but it’s okay… it’s good for me to reflect on things.


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Filed under journal, Literature

Just Write It… Don’t Control Your Mind, Let it Control you.

I’ve become such a forgetful person. I don’t know what happened to me, I never was like this. I need to do something about this. I’ve made a list of things I need to buy to keep myself organized. A nice journal with my attitude, one that’s going to motivate me to open it up and write, and the agenda is of upmost importance. I need to keep everything organized including: bill payments (I’ve had lots of late payments and those fees are horrendous), doc and other important appointments, and plans. Well, I hope I’m able to keep everything organized.

I need to buy that book by Anne Lamott Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. Gayle Brandeis photocopied two small chapters from that book and it was very interesting. She really recommended this book to us. They were titled: Broccoli (she talked about the broccoli inside us), and Radio Station KFKD (or k-fucked). As I was reading this I thought about my own writing and how lately I haven’t really listened to my Broccoli, which I thought wasd normal, but it’s awful for the story and the characters. I’m trying to create. And lately I haven’t really been able to let my mind go and the characters flow out of me. I’ve been “controlling my mind” which is something Lamott said we shouldn’t do. When writing, we should not try to think, it’ll come on its own, at least it should come on its own. When I’m at my laptop and I think I’m going to write this and then think no that’s not a good idea. Or sometimes I’m writing and then I think this could happen later, which I don’t think works for me because then I can’t really let the characters develop by themselves and I want them to show up on their own not, not develop around an event that my mind has developed for them.

I also leave stuff out. I write and erase and etc. La Motte says that we should write it down even if we think it might be us talking and not the character because once we look at the piece as a whole  we can decide whether it’s true to the story as a whole or true to the character. I don’t know if that makes sense… if any of this makes sense. I’m just writing. That should be my motto. Just Write It…


Filed under General, Literature

Short Read and Lovely Promises

I’ve just finished reading Song for Night by Chris Abani, it is a short read and lovely in a beautiful way. I enjoyed reading it. It does have a lot of gruesome descriptions, so I really don’t recommend it to those who are very squimish, those who don’t like reading about killing and decapitating and other horrible actions described in this novella- Don’t read it.

Chris Abani is a professor at UCR, the school that I’m currently going to and I want to work on my thesis with him, I’ve been waiting for over a month for his reply. He still has not e-mailed me. I’m going to have to email him before summer classes end, I do hope he lets me work under his supervision. Cross your fingers.

I’ve made a promise to myself to not stop reading. I had stopped fun reading for over a year and my writing has suffered because of it :(. Besides the fact that I love to read ever since I was able to, I really do want to improve my writing and one of the ways to improve your writing is through reading. It is so important! I cannot slack off anymore. I have to try to read at least an hour a day and write about thirty to sixty minutes, whether it’d be here, the other blog or short pieces.

Everything is lovely. Next book to read: The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory. Recommended by a friend of mine. I love all kinds of books. Contemporary or not.

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Filed under General, Literature