Tag Archives: Fiction

still dwelling

After not having read a single thing, other than the Parents magazine, for who knows how many months, I finally read 2 novels this past month. It feels like I’ve just taken a breath of fresh air, and given a nice long sigh after having an unfamiliar weight on my chest. At the same time though, I feel so stressed out because that unfamiliar and troubleling weight has now become familiar and perhaps more troubleling? (is there such a word?)

I’ve read Daphne, and The Diary… ( i cant’ remember the authors right now other than their first name; Justine and Eileen). One was based on an author’s life, one of the characters drew me in because I, very much like her, seem to be living in my head. I don’t do anything social, in fact I believe myself to be somewhat of a socio-phobe, because of my husband I’ve actually been a bit less of a socio-phobe, but none the less I get nervous, and anxious, and just quiet and blend into the background– I’m the observer.  “Silence is your default setting… occasionally punctuated with a sharp burst of static electricity”. (91. Daphne)

The Diary was based on a true story and it is about love… I don’t even want to go into it, other than it has made me think about my marriage a lot. I hate reading love stories cause they tend to be so… well obviously fiction, but this one was based on a true story and it has made me think about my husband. Everywhere I look I’m more attentive to couples and their relationship. The people I see everyday, the people I hear about, just in general people that I know. But then I’m like that’s all superficial/… you don’t see what they go through. My husband and I are very differnt when we’re alone than when we’re out in public or with anyone.  I am now tired of being completely passive. I was the most passive person you would have ever met… and I do think that I still am a little, but after being put through things here and there I’ve grwon tired of it… I may be passive when I’m in public, but not when we’re alone… I don’t know if that s good or bad…. in public he does’nt talk to me the way he does when we’re alone. Sometimes when other people say oh he’s this and thats good… I’m thinking you wouldn’t say that if you heard whatever he’d tell me-the way he talks to me…. sometimes they sayd oh she’s this and that’s good…. and i’m thinking you wouldn’t say that if you’d see us alone… I’m so confused… is it all just a front? is it all just in my mind… i can’t belive that after all these pasts months… I”m STILL, continuously dwelling on these thoughts that I just can’t get rid of… it is killing me… i can’t sleep (seriosly) I’ve got insomnia, I can’t gain weight… I ‘ve lost so much weight and I can’t gain a single ounce back… I feel the way I look… bad… sick… stressed…. when will it end?

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Speed Stick

Martha picked up a Speed Stick deodorant, took the top off- without minding the pharmacy’s employee stocking inventory behind her- and took a quick whiff. That’s the one she wanted. She smiled and tossed it into the basket. She always liked wearing Men’s deodorant. She never liked those “girly” scents, she liked the cool-just -got-out-of-the-shower man smell. She liked these for two reasons, one, she felt that the womnen’s deodorizer weren’t as strong as the men’s, two, she liked feeling as if a man’s scent rubbed off of him and into her clothes after giving her a hug.

It’s been a long time since she’s been with someone- almost six years. Sure she’s gone on dates here and there but only to keep herself from wanting and longing for someone. After being married to Tim for six years she just was fed up and convinced that all men were the same, but in order to maintain these thoughts she went on dates every now and then just to remind herself who and what she’d have to deal with if she were in a relationship.

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so far there’s only 21 pgs

I’ve only made nine pages of progress this past week. Isn’t that awful? I need to have at least ten pages by Tuesday. Gayle went out of town right after class and so she said I don’t have to write one for this week but because of that I want to have at least ten pages so I can get the ball rolling and so far I only have one. Sigh. Argh!
There’s nothing to write right now. I’ve been so busy and so I just been mind blogging to substitute for the time i don’t have to write.

I decided to put a picture of my little boy… this is when he was five months old… playing with his 3 yr old cousin’s truck.

I’m struggling on what I want to do once I’m done with school… especially with a creative writing degree. What is there to do?

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it is done… the thesis is on!

Yup! I am so excited!

Gayle told me over the weekend that her editor hasn’t gotten back to her but after thinking it over she decided to take me under her wing after all. Woo hoo! I’m extatic and scared at the same time. Nervous-scared because I hope I’m able to do about 50-60 pages worth of the novel I’m working on and so far I only have twelve pages over the course of three months! Three months is like one full quarter. I’m going to have to write at least five pages a week. I guess it’s not that bad, but if I really want to get it going I’m going to have to write at least ten pages a week huh. I’m happy today =).

I applied for a job through craiglist. I spent a lot of time preparing everything and I hit the “send button” with confidence and very hopeful. You know what happened? INVALID ADDRESS!! Argh! I was so disturbed, annoyed and angry. I send it more than two times thinking I’ve written the address wrong. But no. Invalid address. As simple as that. Invalid. Stupid invalid address. Ruined my day.

I started out happy and ended annoyed. Great. I have so much to do tonight and tomorrow, for thursday’s classes. Time to get to it!

Don’t you just love posting random, yet not random, photos? =)

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i’m still waiting while my baby crawls

Yeah, Andres is already crawling, well he’s been crawling and now he’s grabbing onto places and pulling himself up and lets himself go and falls on his tiny big butt. I need to start video taping him more. There’s so much I haven’t done to keep those memories phisically there. Need pictures and videos! I have some, but not enough.

I’m waiting for Gayle, I really hope she won’t have to do such an extensive rewrite (or editing?) of her draft so she can work with me on the thesis. Please cross your fingers for me! If she is able to I hope that by the end of the quarter I could be done with the novel I’ve started working on…well actually I’m not sure if it’s going to be a full novel or a short novel.  I’m thinking short but we’ll see how it works out. 🙂

On another note, I haven’t read to my baby poor Andres, he needs to have his brain stimulated with reading and words. I think reading is something very powerful.
Would you agree?

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a writing prompt

Write a story that begins with a man throwing handfuls of $100 bills from a speeding car, and ends with a young girl urinting into a tin bucket.
-From “Thirteen Writing Prompts” by Dan Wiencek in McSweeney’s website.

All the other ones are just as crazy as this one and some even more. You guys should check it out… The stories usually turn out pretty funny! Mine kind of did, but I’ll work on it some more before I post it up here. Do it, seriously.

UPDATE

So here is the little piece I did with the top prompt. Kinda weird but here it is anyway!

The man threw handfuls of $100 bills from the speeding car his young girlfriend drove. They were on the 60 freeway heading to L.A.

“Do you think that’s enoguh?” The man asked her holding  on to the nearly empty duffle bag on his lap.

“That’s enough!” She spitted at him “I don’t even understand why you would throw a single bill out!”

“Relax, these are the fake ones, I’m just trying to get rid of some load. ”

“Where do you think we are in a hot air balloon?” She slapped his head from behind and for a second the air whupped her wet hair into her eyes. Blinding her. She swearved but managed to regain the wheel.

“The bag was too full, it looks too conspicous.” He looked like a little boy trying to explain his innocence.

“God, I swear Matt” She clutched the steering wheel tight. “You’re just too stupid!”

Finally they got off on Sotto but the young gil failed to notice the young boy crossing the street as she was about to make a right turn.

“Hey watch out!” Matt yelled pointing to the young boy who tried to quicken his pace without looking worried.

The young girl pressed hard on the brake petal jerking them forward in their seat. But she still managed to give the young boy a tap on his hip. The couple in the car stared wide eyed at him afraid to have caused him to rave in a scandalous rage with curses. But he merely looked at them as if daring them to keep going and turned back forward and continued on to his walk- limping this time.

“Shit!” The man was stunned.

“Shut up!” The young girl rolled her eyes. “He’s just as stupid as you are. If I were him I would have sued our asses.”

Behind them a siren wailed. They jumped and they looked behind them. A police car flashed his lights and the police man pointed at them and then to the right.

“Hang on!”  The young girl pressed as hard as she could at the gas pedal and next thing the man knew they were on a high speed chase.

For twenty minutes they went on in the nerely empty streets when the young girl realized she couldn’t hold her pee much longer.

“Grab that tin bucket in back of your seat Matt!” She howled at him.

“What for?” He asked.

“Just do it!”

The man reached into the back seat and pulled out a tin bucket. “Okay, now what.”

“I’m gonna stand up my seat and I need you to unzip my pants and pull down my underwear.” She stood up with her thighs pressed against each other afraid her pee would run down her pants.

“What?”

“Just do it stupid!” She yelled still maneuvering the car around the few cars and corners trying to evade the cops.

Matt unzipped her pants and pulled them down along with her underwear and squeezed the tin bucket in between her thighs and only heard her sigh and the pee running down.

I know it’s silly and weird. But there it is. Haha, made me laugh. it’s just crazy.

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online resources for writers…

I’ve finally posted it up as a page. Thanks to Gayle Brandeis for the handout she made for us. So nice of her; thoughtful.

It’s 2am now and I just can’t go to sleep. I haven’t really been sleeping well lately and I’m not too sure why. I just don’t feel like sleeping, even though I keep yawning every other second. I’m sleepy but I don’t want to sleep. I don’t know what I want. I want to stay with my baby, I want to work, I want to go to school, I want to write, I want to teach. Thinking of all these things that I want to do is just so overwhelming I just… I don’t know– can’t sleep? It’s funny because I was just reading a post from someone who said she thought too much… and I think too much too. I really do. But I don’t think like deep analyzing, I think about things, about I want this and that and I’m not moving because I don’t know what to do first or how to begin to do anything. I feel like I’m not making any sense.

This past month I haven’t even read anything! I’ve been feeling blue… I don’t think I’m depressed. Am I? Nah, there’s no reason for me to be depressed. I have worries of course. My little brother getting into trouble and my parents into trouble, and I don’t feel too comfortable living where I am living, but I don’t think it’s something to be depressed about. I mean it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. I guess I’m just feeling a little blue. I’m only human, ups and downs come all the time, as I’m sure they do to everyone else.

Autumn is here. Yay! We’re getting closer to Winter. I love cold days, and they seem to be getting closer. It’s not hot anymore, its warm during the day and at dawn and dusk it’s nice and fresh. I LOVE it.

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